| One of the biggest complaints/arguments that I see between brides and grooms in the wedding planning process is that the groom just isn't doing enough to help. Let's face it ladies, 9 out of 10 grooms will not be as excited about planning a wedding as you are, and the 1 out of 10 who says they are, are probably lying! Men don't dream their whole lives as to what their wedding will be like...they don't fantasize about the dress, the venue or just about anything else. Just because he isn't acting excited, doesn't mean he isn't and it doesn't mean he doesn't want to help. The biggest mistake a bride can make is to ASSUME that her fiance knows what she wants him to do. Most men will be happy to help if you tell them what you would like them to do, and you don't expect them to participate in everything. Pick and choose your battles. If it is extremely important that he come to a certain appointment with you, let him know that and then let him bow out of a couple of other appointments. The following is a list of dos and don'ts in asking the groom for his help: |  |
❧ Do not ask him to come looking for a dress. He really doesn't want to be there, the bridal shop really doesn't want him to be there and do you really want to ask him “Does this make my butt look big?”
❧ Do make sure he is in on the budgeting process and that he agrees with the amounts. Get the arguing about money and cost out of the way up front, preferably with a wedding planner who is experienced in budgeting. Do not start spending money until you are both on the same page, and please don't go over budget without talking with him. Hiding things only makes them worse. I think this is a critical step whether you are paying for the
wedding yourself or someone else is footing the bill.
❧ Do ask him to the cake tasting....men love food and this is a good, fun way for him to be involved.
❧ Do ask him to come to look at the venue and to try the food. Again, the way to a man's heart is often through his stomach.
❧ Do not ask him to come look at flowers....I really hope I don't need to explain the man's lack of interest in floral centerpieces...I think it is genetic.
❧ Do let him pick out his own tuxedo...within reason anyway. His tux should fit in the theme of the wedding but give him some leeway in exactly what he wears.
❧ Do make sure he is in on the budgeting process and that he agrees with the amounts. Get the arguing about money and cost out of the way up front, preferably with a wedding planner who is experienced in budgeting. Do not start spending money until you are both on the same page, and please don't go over budget without talking with him. Hiding things only makes them worse. I think this is a critical step whether you are paying for the
wedding yourself or someone else is footing the bill.
❧ Do ask him to the cake tasting....men love food and this is a good, fun way for him to be involved.
❧ Do ask him to come to look at the venue and to try the food. Again, the way to a man's heart is often through his stomach.
❧ Do not ask him to come look at flowers....I really hope I don't need to explain the man's lack of interest in floral centerpieces...I think it is genetic.
❧ Do let him pick out his own tuxedo...within reason anyway. His tux should fit in the theme of the wedding but give him some leeway in exactly what he wears.
 |  |
❧ Do have him make limousine or other transportation arrangements. In life there are men's jobs and women's jobs and cars, buses, limos, etc definitely fall under men's jobs just like vehicle maintenance and lawn care.
❧ Do have him plan the honeymoon...this is the most traditional job for the groom and you should encourage him to take this task on.
❧ Do ask him to run errands. In planning a wedding there is always some place to run, something to drop off, and this is a good way to involve the groom without stressing him out too much. Please try to plan ahead of time
instead of springing something on him at the last second.
❧ Do not ask him to help make decorations.....unless he is truly the artistic or crafty type this is just asking for trouble. No matter how hard he tries he will not be able to make them to your standard.
❧ Do not ask his opinion unless you really want to hear it....men will be on two opposite ends of the spectrum....they will either tell you what they think you want to hear, which doesn't help you anyway, or
they may be too honest which can cause friction. Men do this because deep down they understand you really don't want their opinion, you are going to do what you want anyway!
❧ Do tell him where to be and when....by this I mean when there is an appointment he needs to be at, remind him. It is a good idea to sit down once a week and make sure your calendars are in sync.
❧ Do have him plan the honeymoon...this is the most traditional job for the groom and you should encourage him to take this task on.
❧ Do ask him to run errands. In planning a wedding there is always some place to run, something to drop off, and this is a good way to involve the groom without stressing him out too much. Please try to plan ahead of time
instead of springing something on him at the last second.
❧ Do not ask him to help make decorations.....unless he is truly the artistic or crafty type this is just asking for trouble. No matter how hard he tries he will not be able to make them to your standard.
❧ Do not ask his opinion unless you really want to hear it....men will be on two opposite ends of the spectrum....they will either tell you what they think you want to hear, which doesn't help you anyway, or
they may be too honest which can cause friction. Men do this because deep down they understand you really don't want their opinion, you are going to do what you want anyway!
❧ Do tell him where to be and when....by this I mean when there is an appointment he needs to be at, remind him. It is a good idea to sit down once a week and make sure your calendars are in sync.
I hope in reading this that you understand some of this is tongue and cheek....but you do need to realize the differences between men and women. Set your expectations for your groom realisticaly and let him
surprise you. Remember, he wants to help but often needs direction. Under no circumstance expect him to want to participate in everything...that's what brides maids are for
surprise you. Remember, he wants to help but often needs direction. Under no circumstance expect him to want to participate in everything...that's what brides maids are for
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